Every where I look, I see people seemed completely tapped out. They've given. They've worked. They've paid $4 a gallon.?And now, in most circumstances, they are being asked to do more, give more, pay more and work harder.?Exhausted and disheartened, they become brittle.
I find this brittleness in myself. Things that never bothered me - dealing with my 'we only accept checks' mortgage company, for example - now send me around the bend. Before I know it, I'm angry, hosile and looking for someone to blame. In the last week, I've come face to face with this brittleness over and over again.
Most of the time, I catch myself before I explode.
Some times I don't. I am shocked by my rage. No, I don't express it. I don't yell and scream and call people names.
But I feel the rage.?
Pondering this foreign feeling, I realized that: I've done the work; ?I've paid my mortgage; ?I paid off old business debt (Open Grove) rather than declare bankrupsy; ?I've never missed a tax payment. And what do I get?
Nothing.?
But people who don't? They get everything....
Well okay, I have no idea what they get.?
I'm starting to sound like a Republican - even to MYSELF. My father would be so very proud (which completely freaks me out).
This is when I realized that I'm tapped out.
And you know what? I can't be kind and tapped out at the same time.
Because kindness is a priority in my life, my goal for at least the next month is to try to refill my well. I'm making sure I eat right, get enough exercise and sleep every single night. I am working a little less, playing a lot more. I've even spent entire days in the garden, rather than at my computer. These simple things help me feel more balanced.?
I know that my family, friends, clients, and acquaintances need me to be stable and balanced, not brittle and angry. I have a responsiblity to fill my own well. Moreover, I have a responsibility to make certain my resources remain plentiful, available and more than anything kind.
What are you doing for yourself when you feel tapped out?
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