About a month ago, I received an email from a friend that said:
"What if you didn't have insomnia anymore?"
I laughed.? I know all the sleeping tricks. In fact, I am the sleep guru.? Insomnia is my lifelong friend.
"Don't be a jackass," she said.? "Just sign up for this newsletter."
Being the good middle child (who responds resentfully to bossiness), I signed up for the freakin' newsletter.? Day after day, I received email about sleeping.
But I know better.? I have done all of their stupid tricks and tips.? HA!? I even started showering at night so I had a chance to "dump the day" (as recommended by Pete Seigel).
Insomnia is my life long friend.
Then, the woman who gave birth to me started acting up again.? Her sister dead, she unleashed a wave of abject cruelty that left everyone involved stunned.
(Well, except me.? I knew it was only a matter of time.)
And I didn't sleep for three days.
Everything fell apart.? I stopped writing.? I stopped engaging the world.? I shut out D. and Rose to an extent that they started pestering me mercilessly.
And the stupid Insomnia newsletter arrived saying:
"If you are doing all of these things, maybe your brain doesn't know how to sleep."
I read a brain study that said that brain patterns get disrupted. Rather then reseting, the brain continues the disrupted pattern.
This was particularly true for people with insomnia that starts in childhood.
At a weak moment, I purchased the CDs.? When they arrived two days later, I was so exhausted I didn't remember purchasing them.? I made mp3s and stuck them on my mp3 player.
Another round of escalating nastiness and I found myself staring at the ceiling again.? Insomnia, my old friend, returned.
3 AM: I listened to the tape.
3:20 AM: I was sound asleep.
Next night? I slept like a baby - all night.
Go figure.? It's only been a week.? I've had a few more rounds of insomnia.? Put the tape on and wham - asleep.
I don't know if my insomnia is gone forever.
Maybe.
Right now, sleeping even a few hours at a time is sheer bliss.
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