On a limb with Claudia

Once a year, when I got to my Optometrist, Dr. Sumner, I come face to face with my horrendous childhood. Our laughing visit always takes a downward turn when he puts the drops in and leaves the room. It’s time to dilate my eyes so he can look at my retina.

You see, the eyes record of every violent, abusive act. Like a stamp, every violent act imprints itself on the retina.

While I wait for my eyes to ‘dilate really wide,’ so he can see the folds, tears, holes and damage from my early life, I have to face myself and my past. When Dr. Sumner returns, I’m usually very sad.  I sniffle, wipe a few tears while he gets ready to look at my retina.

In the past, I’ve seen doctors who will look in my eyes and say, “What the hell happened to you?”

There I am, blinded, with my big dark eyes dilated, trying to explain my early life – schizophrenic mother, depressed father, alcoholic grandfather, and… and…

Dr. Sumner is much kinder than that. He usually smiles then says, “Let’s take a look.”

We go through the various lens and lights. He tells me what he’s doing. Then usually ends with:

“Everything’s still settled. That’s good. We’ll check again next year.”

Kindness.

You never know when you need it. And sometimes, the kindest thing is a good hearted man who doesn’t say the obvious.

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If you get a chance, please consider donating to provide school supplies for Iraqi kids. They deserve a chance. We can give it for less than the cost of a pizza.

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Remote Treehugger

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Somethings just make sense. If you teach a child to hate, a child will hate their entire life. If you give a child a chance, that child has a chance to create the life he or she wants. That just makes sense to me.

When I heard about the school supplies for Iraqi children campaign, that made sense to me too. Team Taji, in Taji Iraq, are attempting to put together 10,000 packets of school supplies. I found out about it through a friend of a friend. Sergeant Aidan Wood asked if I might collect a few school supplies and send them to him by October 10, 2009.

The school supplies cost about $17. We’ll pick up the shipping.

I asked Aidan why he was doing this. He said:

“I got involved for several reason, I’ve always believed that if it its within my abilities to help someone I should. I also have a daughter back in the states who is starting 1st grade this year and I’m going to miss that. Helping these kids makes it a little bit more like home for me doing for them what I can’t do for my daughter. Its also I nice change of pace from running missions.”

I’ve set up a page with more details. We’ll keep the donation button up until September 12, 2009. Then we will do the shopping and shipping to Iraq. With any luck, we’ll be able to help them meet their goal.

In Aidan’s words : “Anything you can do to help is greatly appreciated.”

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About a year ago, I started to get this terrible pain in my heels.  It came on suddenly, almost out of no where. I had been running stairs every Sunday so I assumed the pain was due to the stair running. I stopped running stairs and assumed the pain would go away.

It didn’t.

Over the course of the last year, I have tried acupuncture, chiropractors, drugs, various new shoes (4) and inserts. Some things have eased the pain, but nothing has taken the pain away. In fact, most things made the pain worse.

After enduring countless flakey practitioners, spending lots of money on experts, I finally decided to let Google help me. Maybe there was an answer I hadn’t thought of? Maybe I’d find a solution to my problem?

I found this video on WebMD (Healing Heel Pain). After more research, I found that this stretch is the ONLY proven effective treatment for plantar fasciitis and it’s malicious friend, Achilles tendonitis.

In my efforts to be kind to people, I completely forgot about being kind to myself. I’ve lived with this heel pain for a YEAR and never looked it up on Google. I assumed that professionals would help me. Someone else would know exactly what to do for this pain. This wise person would save me from daily pain.

Being responsible for myself is kindness. Giving myself my own resources is a great kindness. When I am strong, and pain free, I am then able to help others.

That’s the order of things : 1. Use resources for yourself, 2. Get strong, healthy, capable, 3. Give to others.

What is your order of things? Are you able to keep this order?

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“One can not hold another down in a ditch, without being in the ditch themselves. ”
–Cylithria Dubois

Lately, I’ve been on a gossip diet by attempting not to participate in gossip. I’m striving to not gossip about other people in my life. More than that, I’m actively avoiding the pervasive gossip industry.

You can’t imagine how difficult it is to avoid gossip. Sometimes, it seems like all people talk about. Who did this? Who did that? Who broke up with whom? While I find people intriguing, in order to even listen, I must step into someone else’s judgements.

Truth be told? I feel better when I’m not participating in gossip. I have clearer thoughts and am less afraid of the world. The problem is that these toxic thoughts, articles and photos are addictive and pervasive.

It’s time for me to clean up my act. There’s no place for gossip in my kind life.  Period.

Why do you think there’s so much of this now? What inside us is drawn to the tawdry details of second rate actors?

Simply Kind Tuesday Participants

Remote Treechanger

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What does it take for you to be kind?

No ideas today, only a question.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

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You remember the story – Prince wants a real princess for a wife. His mother tests out the potential bride by putting a pea under twenty matresses. The potential bride felt the pea and was declared a true princess.  Because truly, “nobody but a real princess could have such a delicate skin.”

Nice story.

What do we do with the princesses in our lives? These are the people who’s skin (metaphorically, or literally) is so delicate that they feel every bump, every comment, every pea in their path.

I believe they truly suffer. I do.

And sometimes? I want to slap them out of my misery.

Visions of slapping the princesses dance happily through my head.

Sigh.

I know this to be true. There have been moments in my life when even the slightest injury felt life threatening. I can remember times when I took something out of context and used it to injur myself. I know there are times that, like the princess, I wasn’t responsible for my own wellbeing and moved away from the hard, painful things in my life.

In remembering my own actions, I find something that looks like compassion.

Whether I believe it’s a pea or a mountain, this person is suffering.  Kindness comes easily once I get out of my judgements and into my heart.

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Remote Treehugger

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Last week, while walking with a client on the Cherry Creek Bike Path, a biker hit me with his hand. His hand out to the side, moving fast, his hand thumped my back. He hit me so hard that I fell forward a few steps.  I said a loud, “OUCH!” The biker zoomed off to join the crowd of ‘bike to work day’ riders.

Did he hit me on purpose? I don’t know.

Did he know who I was? I doubt it. My back was to him and I was wearing a jacket I almost never wear.

Was it an accident? No, I honestly think that if it was an accident, he would have stopped to see if I was injured.

So there I am – client talking about her issues, pain in my back, not sure if I’ve reinjured my recently recovering neck – walking along the bike path.

What is a kind person to do?

For a moment, I became an enraged victim. I have a spinal cord injury! I could have easily been seriously hurt. My client is a small woman. If he had hit her, she would have been injured. He had no right to hit me – ever – let alone for walking on a path designed to be shared by bikes, walkers, runners, dogs, and everyone else in between.

I chose to let it go.

One thing I’ve learned on this kindness journey is the lesson of hot potato.

Here’s a guy who, for whatever reason, decided to assault a stranger. In my imagination, he’s angry with all the amateur bikers. He’s worried about work or simply just angry about his life. Who knows? Maybe his wife found out about his trip to see his mistress in Argentina.

Anyway, he holds a hot potato.

Stretching out his hand, he waps me on the back. In this way, he transfers his rage and impotence to me. I become the enraged victim. By taking his hot potato, I am forced to carry his rage, impotence or simple indifference to another human being traveling along the same byway.

After complaining a bit to my friends, I decided to let it go.  I chose to give this small kindness to myself. By letting it go, I was relieved of the rage and impotence created in the act.

The only thing I carry is a bruise from where the side of his hand collided with my back.

Letting go is a gift that I give myself. Ultimately, by giving myself this kindness, I can maintain my own equanimity. I’m available to be kind and balanced to the people in my life.

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Simply Kind Tuesday participants

Remote Treehugger – Kindness songs

Kim Smith – Benevolence

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I thought I would share a video today about kindness. Using my friend Google, I googled the word Kindness.

Then watched all these oddballs tell me about kindness. One guy talked about living among Hobbits (I kid you not) then beginning to understand Jesus. Another guy looked like he was high. Another was a liquor company using a funny spin on it’s name. Everyone is selling something – a book, a website, a training class.

I wouldn’t stand next to these people in an elevator, let alone post their video on my blog.

Where are all the regular people? The normal folks who just want a little kindness in their lives?

Holy crap, am I one of those freaky weirdos? (Desperate, I click through Google pages hoping beyond hope to find a normal face.)

It seems like people are more and more interested in kindness. And yet, our little Simply Kind Tuesday’s started with a bang and has dribbled down to just a few people every week.

I’ve read that charitable giving is down. More people are going to food banks. Food stamp systems can’t keep up with the demand. And that’s here in Colorado where the economic downturn hasn’t had the largest impact.

My fear is that as the world continues to change, we will become insular, self oriented, and forget that our strength is when we stand together.

Is it the economy? A shift in perspective? Or is kindness simply out of the mainstream?

What do you think?

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Have you ever thought about doing less?

It’s a strange concept, I know. Especially for me to be talking about. 

But sometimes, working more, trying harder, putting in the effort, is exactly the wrong thing to do. In fact, the kindest thing we can do sometimes is to simply do less. 

How do we do less when the world clambors for more? 

I stumbled upon this idea: a One Day Sabbatical.  One day off.  No technology. No TV. No movies. Just you and the world. Many religious traditions require a day off a week. Even the The Artist’s Way encourages people to take a day off for inspiration.  

In our fast paced world, time to think your own thoughts is the ultimate luxury. 

And a kindness we must embrace. 

What keeps you from taking a day of rest?

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The Lion and the Mouse
by Aesop

ONCE when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him.

“Pardon, O King,” cried the little Mouse: “forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?”

The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let him go. Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap, and the hunters, who desired to carry him alive to the King, tied him to a tree while they went in search of a waggon to carry him on. Just then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad plight in which the Lion was, sent up to him and soon gnawed away the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts.

“Was I not right?” said the little Mouse.

“Little friends may prove great friends”

Other Simply Kind Tuesday posts

Perpstu at Popping Bubbles

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