On a limb with Claudia

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” – H. H. Dalai Lama

It’s been a year since I gave myself the challenge of writing about kindness once a week. Over the course of the year, other bloggers (Karin at Popping Bubbles, Remote Treehugger and others) have joined in. The meme has been featured on special sites and reviewed by a variety of people. In the end, the challenge I started for myself ends with myself.

Over the course of the year, I’ve learned a tremendous amount about kindness. Here are a few thoughts:

• Kindness is an action, not a thought.
• Being kind takes work.
• Our culture supports brash, rude behavior; kindness is the antidote.
• Everyone, at every moment, is doing the very best they can.
• People want to be kind. When they aren’t, it’s usually because their focus has narrowed on some anxiety or problem.

More than anything, I’ve learned that kindness is always a choice – kindness is always possible.

I haven’t decided if I will continue this challenge or do something else. I will let you know next week. I have learned a tremendous amount over the last two years.

Thank you for coming along with me on this journey.

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It’s funny, I don’t know how to start this blog post. Please bear with me. I have no talent for talking or writing about myself.

I’ve spent the last ten days digging through Open Grove boxes, folders and files from our garage. Because our garage leaks, the papers are wet, molded and, when they get warm, have bugs and larvae in them. This has been a disgusting task.

When I moved out of my gorgeous office in October 2005, we packaged everything up and boxes. Because the weather was iffy, we stuffed the boxes in the garage and left them alone. That’s right. For the last four years, these boxes have been out of sight and out of mind.

The boxes returned to mind when the IRS began sending letters.

It turns out that the Non-profit rulings have changed. I should have known that or noticed that or….

When I spoke with the IRS, they were fairly confident that very few people knew the ruling had changed. I called the IRS three times. Each time spoke with a kind, helpful person who seemed as befuddled about the change as I am.

Regardless, because of the change in ruling, I’ve had to take the way back machine and produce financial information for 2002 through 2007.

Thank God those boxes were out of mind in the garage. If I had been more on top of things, I would have gotten rid of those papers years ago. After all, under the old ruling, I didn’t need them. I would never have needed them.

This week I needed every record, every note, every financial document – bugs and all.

I have a lot of judgement about that time in my life. The list of shoulds starts with ‘I never should have filed for a trademark’ and ends with a thought or judgement about every single activity.

It’s been a rough ten days.

Until I realized that what I feel is a kind of grief. I’ve been trying to control how the Open Grove transformed. With my cruel judgments over the detritus of yesteryear, I make damned sure I’m ‘more careful’ today.

I don’t know what will become of the Open Grove’s IRS drama.

Today, I’m going to let go and let whatever happens happen. In letting go, I’m going to also let go of my long list of shoulds. We did our best with the Open Grove. What more can anyone expect?

Is there a ‘should’ you need to let go of? A judgement that doesn’t fit the facts? If so, I hope you’ll give yourself the luxury of letting go.

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The internet is a place where kindness blossoms. For myself, I’m often buoyed by the kindness of a stranger.  Almost every day someone says something, write something or simply says, “I see you” in a way that keeps my spirit alive.

Turns out that the web itself works because of kindness. In this twenty minute funny video, Jonathan Zittrain explains how the web works. This video is definitely worth the time!

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Have you heard of the No Impact Project? The idea is to join No Impact Man (yes, that’s what he wants to be called) for a week. In this week, you will learn to use less, buy less, and hopefully start walking, riding or public transporting to your work.  The No Impact website has a How to Guide to help you walk through a week.

We do most of his suggestions in our house. It’s been a gradual march over the last eight or nine years. Sometimes we are more invested in things like “one light on at night” and other times we forget. Most summers, we eat almost exclusively from our garden. And sometimes we drive for miles just to have a fantastic Mediterranean meal.

Overall, it’s a fairly easy lifestyle to maintain. Our neighbors think our beehives, large vegetable gardens and low water front yard is ‘strange’ but we don’t pay their water bill either. The Joneses yard is perfect and our is not. I can live with that.

How does low impact relate to kindness? Letting go of the cultural press for “MORE” is one of the greatest kindnesses you can give yourself. Get off the treadmill of purchase to garbage. Give yourself the gift of whole, real food prepared simply.

If only for a week, go no impact. You’ll feel better for it and the world will rejoice in your kindness.

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Have you heard for the Kindness Offensive?

The brainchild of three Londoners who want friendliness and solidarity to replace the indifference so obvious in the streets of London that is epitomized by all the bumps and knocks of the bustling people and the ever present murmur of “oh sorry”, “excuse me”. It’s a group in the UK that ‘awards’ people for their random acts of kindness.  They strive to make kindness fun and celebrate any and every act of kindness with kindness awards. They even organize volunteer campaigns through ‘phone whispering.’

What a great idea.

Check out their You Tube site for videos of their efforts. This video is their most recent effort to help get toys to kids who are in the hospital.

It’s amazing what a few people, with a goal of kindness, can do.

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Recently, my friend Pea (you may know her from Unconscious Mutterings) replaced her bumper. Replacing her bumper led to replacing her bumper stickers.

Now, I have a fascination with bumper stickers.  Like my fascination with tattoos, I’ve never had a bumper sticker. So I asked her, “What are your bumper stickers?”

She told me that this bumper sticker had adorned the last three bumpers she owned. Fascinated, I asked why?

“It is still the traditional greeting among the Masai, acknowledging the high value that the Masai always place on their children’s well-being. Even warriors with no children of their own would always give the traditional answer, “All the children are well.” Meaning, of course, that peace and safety prevail, that the priorities of protecting the young, the powerless, are in place. That Masai society has not forgotten its reason for being, its proper functions and responsibilities. “All the children are well” means that life is good. It means that the daily struggles for existence do not preclude proper caring for their young. “

Here’s a link to her explanation of the bumper sticker.

This week, I am going to hold this in my heart. The welfare of every child is my priority.

It’s a simple reality, a simple kindness, to acknowledge that the fate of us all rests in the well-being of all children.

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This two minute video shares an interesting idea. What if you used a card to indicate that you had just given someone an anonymous act of kindness? These cute cards encourage that person to, in turn, do something nice for someone else. You could start a revolution in your own home town.

Unfortunately, they will only ship within Australia, but luckily there are a number of websites where you can print your own cards.

• Here you can print kindness quotes onto stickers which you can add to the backs of your letters or cards. You never know what might happen.
• On the One Act of Kindness site, you are able to print ‘One Act of Kindness’ Cards. These cards encourage reciprocity as well and a connection to the site.
• Chris Dumure designed these beautiful acts of kindness cards. They are available for you to print out at The Gift of Kindness site has posters and cards you can print out and use.

I’m not sure I would ever use a kindness card.  While I get the benefit of encouraging people to continue the kindness, it feels a little artificial to me. What about you? Would you add a card with your kind act?

Check out other simply kind posts: Remote Treechanger

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This is one of the kindest, most generous gestures, I seen from a performer. Taylor Swift won a VMA for Best Female Video and Kanye West stole her shine and the microphone. And Beyonce Knowles gave it back.

In this 2 minute clip, Beyonce Knowles gave up her spotlight for winning Video of the year to give Taylor her time to shine.

Kindness. It’s just not that hard.

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Once a year, when I got to my Optometrist, Dr. Sumner, I come face to face with my horrendous childhood. Our laughing visit always takes a downward turn when he puts the drops in and leaves the room. It’s time to dilate my eyes so he can look at my retina.

You see, the eyes record of every violent, abusive act. Like a stamp, every violent act imprints itself on the retina.

While I wait for my eyes to ‘dilate really wide,’ so he can see the folds, tears, holes and damage from my early life, I have to face myself and my past. When Dr. Sumner returns, I’m usually very sad.  I sniffle, wipe a few tears while he gets ready to look at my retina.

In the past, I’ve seen doctors who will look in my eyes and say, “What the hell happened to you?”

There I am, blinded, with my big dark eyes dilated, trying to explain my early life – schizophrenic mother, depressed father, alcoholic grandfather, and… and…

Dr. Sumner is much kinder than that. He usually smiles then says, “Let’s take a look.”

We go through the various lens and lights. He tells me what he’s doing. Then usually ends with:

“Everything’s still settled. That’s good. We’ll check again next year.”

Kindness.

You never know when you need it. And sometimes, the kindest thing is a good hearted man who doesn’t say the obvious.

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If you get a chance, please consider donating to provide school supplies for Iraqi kids. They deserve a chance. We can give it for less than the cost of a pizza.

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Visit other Simply Kind Tuesday blogs

Remote Treehugger

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Somethings just make sense. If you teach a child to hate, a child will hate their entire life. If you give a child a chance, that child has a chance to create the life he or she wants. That just makes sense to me.

When I heard about the school supplies for Iraqi children campaign, that made sense to me too. Team Taji, in Taji Iraq, are attempting to put together 10,000 packets of school supplies. I found out about it through a friend of a friend. Sergeant Aidan Wood asked if I might collect a few school supplies and send them to him by October 10, 2009.

The school supplies cost about $17. We’ll pick up the shipping.

I asked Aidan why he was doing this. He said:

“I got involved for several reason, I’ve always believed that if it its within my abilities to help someone I should. I also have a daughter back in the states who is starting 1st grade this year and I’m going to miss that. Helping these kids makes it a little bit more like home for me doing for them what I can’t do for my daughter. Its also I nice change of pace from running missions.”

I’ve set up a page with more details. We’ll keep the donation button up until September 12, 2009. Then we will do the shopping and shipping to Iraq. With any luck, we’ll be able to help them meet their goal.

In Aidan’s words : “Anything you can do to help is greatly appreciated.”

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