Simply Kind Tuesdays : Week 24 : Tapped Out
Every where I look, I see people seemed completely tapped out. They’ve given. They’ve worked. They’ve paid $4 a gallon.?And now, in most circumstances, they are being asked to do more, give more, pay more and work harder.?Exhausted and disheartened, they become brittle.
I find this brittleness in myself. Things that never bothered me – dealing with my ‘we only accept checks’ mortgage company, for example – now send me around the bend. Before I know it, I’m angry, hosile and looking for someone to blame. In the last week, I’ve come face to face with this brittleness over and over again.
Most of the time, I catch myself before I explode.
Some times I don’t. I am shocked by my rage. No, I don’t express it. I don’t yell and scream and call people names.
But I feel the rage.?
Pondering this foreign feeling, I realized that: I’ve done the work; ?I’ve paid my mortgage; ?I paid off old business debt (Open Grove) rather than declare bankrupsy; ?I’ve never missed a tax payment. And what do I get?
Nothing.?
But people who don’t? They get everything….
Well okay, I have no idea what they get.?
I’m starting to sound like a Republican – even to MYSELF. My father would be so very proud (which completely freaks me out).
This is when I realized that I’m tapped out.
And you know what? I can’t be kind and tapped out at the same time.
Because kindness is a priority in my life, my goal for at least the next month is to try to refill my well. I’m making sure I eat right, get enough exercise and sleep every single night. I am working a little less, playing a lot more. I’ve even spent entire days in the garden, rather than at my computer. These simple things help me feel more balanced.?
I know that my family, friends, clients, and acquaintances need me to be stable and balanced, not brittle and angry. I have a responsiblity to fill my own well. Moreover, I have a responsibility to make certain my resources remain plentiful, available and more than anything kind.
What are you doing for yourself when you feel tapped out?
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Nothing wrong with rage…it is after all a part of being human.
It is them who are not mature who ill use the rage within. If there is no rage, have you considered there is no sign of passion, and if there is no passion…then what?
I personally miss my rage yet at the same time I know that the them, the industries and institutions represented by a human face or a corporate logo have moved on. They and it never cared a whit about anything that caused the fury within me as long as I complied with their demands. And I learned that their wheels and resources were much greater than mine…so I give myself permission to respond in the one way they don’t understand…silence. If I am silent inside then the rage is calm fury and the calm fury, passion and the passion a sign of life being lived…and there is nothing wrong with living life eh?
So to the question of what do I do when the well goes dry…nothing. I sit, I wait, and I take less showers until the well has water again.
See my post of 4/13
I am learning to let go. I was surprised to see how similar our SKT’s were today. I’m tapped out too – as you witnessed last week – and I need to let go and refill my well.
(((HUGS)))
TWMark – Calm fury is a more usable force than rage. That’s for sure. And how brilliant to use these situations to drive your passions.
Perpstu – I think this brittleness is everywhere. I’m glad that you see it as well – and are refilling your well. It’s not over yet.
Being tapped out seems to have become a way of life with me lately. I’m working on fixing it through yoga, visualization exercises, therapy and meds… but mostly… by doing things that are right for ME for the first time maybe ever instead of for everyone else.
Brittle, Me? What makes you say that????
In the past several weeks I have reached my saturation level…with everything and everyone. The phrase “I hate everybody” has been muttered more than a few times and the urge to throw people in front of moving vehicles has been sequestered more times than I can count. It’s like the entire population drank the kool-aid and joined the cult of stupid. My tolerance level is at a negative 4.
At times like these, I find myself pulling back, communicating less and choosing my words carefully to avoid any misplaced anger. At the end of the day I retreat into “my calm place” by taking a bath, writing in my journal and crocheting to unwind (yes, I said crocheting, and yes the count is now 3 hats, 6 scarves and 2/3 of a blanket…). Before I go to bed I imagine a big white board filled will all of the days “issues” and picture myself erasing them; the stubborn ones get “brain bleach.” While it doesn’t take it all away, it does help start each day with a semi-fresh start.
(I am thankful, however, that Venus has now righted herself in Aries and some of the dumbassedness seems to be subsidding)
i refill my well in the following ways:
locking myself in the bathroom and taking a long hot bath
yoga and meditation
sitting down with a good chocolate novel and reading for several hours until i’ve devoured it whole
having a good meal
get inspired-look up new things, go to an art exhibit, listen to music
Not a Mean Girl – Good for you! I’m glad that you’re working to restore yourself and your balance. Keep up the good work.
ZenGoddessJen – It’s amazing to me how many people fell exactly like you do – Venus or not, we are tapped out. I’m glad you are finding strategies that work for you.
Jehara – Great ideas! I love the imagery of a good chocolate novel that’s eaten whole!
Good for you for caring for yourself.
My big hang up lately is trying to fix my husband’s credit along with mine and while we were doing fabulous, we had a credit card company close our account because of a merger, but its still going to affect our credit.
I stress about a lot of things, but mainly money and my self image. I was reading in a book last night that meditation is a good way of letting go. I tried it last night, and at first I felt like falling asleep, but after doing it I felt a lot more relaxed than I was before.
I totally get the tapped out feeling. As you can tell from the lack of blog posts….I tend to shut down to ALL the basics: keeping Husband and kids happy, the house clean and things like that. My love language is definitely acts of service. I go back to the basics.
okay, maybe just a little teeny tiny bit if retail therapy. My most adorable sandals from my lastest therapy session are on my blog tonight.
I can definitely relate to that tapped out feeling. I know I’m there when I get no enjoyment from anything. I think it’s important to remember that we’ve been there before and will weather this latest storm.
It helps to be more gentle with myself, more foregiving when I get less done around the house. Going for walks with my husband and son helps…a little time away from the laptop. Reading poetry, getting inspired by art… anything to take my mind for that negative place.
Thank you for stopping by my blog today, Claudia!
Yesterday I said that I left my ex-partner and I send you a lot of hugs. I am thinking about what to do next, and taking my time while my wife heals from rotator cuff surgery. I do not have clients yelling at me, I do not have the ex-partner being toxic every day, and that alone is worth the price of not working in a career I love. Have a hug, {{{{{ Claudia }}}}}
There’s still incipient insurance companies, but your hug is more important!
the most important thing i learned in counseling is that you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. hugs.