On a limb with Claudia

Ok, I’m a native California. In fact, I’m a forth generation native Californian. Which is to say that I have seen a lot of plastic surgery in my life. Hell, there’s a woman who claims to have raised me but I don’t recognize her… at all.

Thursday Thirteen #7

Let’s face it. Plastic surgery is really getting out of hand. Here’s thirteen plastic surgeries that simply should not happen:

1. Butt implants:

I don’t think I need to add any comment here. Do you?

2. Over a D cup:

I know the saying is “the bigger the better” but really.
Only Bigfoot has hands big enough to even hold these babies.

3. Lip implants:

They cut open your lip and insert a permanent silicone pad. Ew.

4. Penis “extension” surgery:

“Penis extension is achieved by cutting the main ligaments that anchor the penis to the pubic bone. What this does is allow a part of the penis that usually resides inside the body to hang outside, making the penis seem about an inch longer. The two main cosmetic problems are that the erection will now shoot straight out rather than up, and the pubic hair covers the base of the newly exposed penis. This procedure is usually combined with another procedure that is sort of a reverse liposuction. Which, basically, adds fat to the penis to give it more girth. Surgery is costly and not covered by insurance.”

You will in fact be “well hung” as hanging is about all your new “larger” (and an inch hairier) penis will do.

If you are thinking about this surgery, here a suggestion. How about learning how to use what you have? Just a thought.

5. Chest and Facial hair:

Before: Fugly

2050 hair transplants later?
(Let’s say it together -OUCH!)

Still Fugly, a little hairier.

You are not kissing me with that nasty stubble. Not a chance.

6. Liposuction = Death:

According to one US study, liposuction has a higher than normal death rate at 19 out of 100,000 surgeries. For the sake of comparison, there are 16.1 fatalities per 100,000 automobile accidents. The accepted rate of death for elective surgery is 1 out of 100,000 surgeries. The study shows that most of these surgeries were done in a doctor’s office and not in a hospital.

7. Pec implants:

Dude. Whey protein. Trainer. Gym membership.
You look stupid with tiny arms and a “big” chest.

8. Hymenplasty:

What is the draw here? I can understand it if a girl has been raped or molested. I believe she is still a virgin. So if it’s important to her culture, this makes some sense. (The surgery is very popular in the Middle East.)

But come on… If you want to watch some of the freak show, watch this video. Getting a new hymen reinvigorated their relationship?? What??

9. Anything Jocelyn Wilderstein has had done:

I’d shoot the person who did this to me.

10. Abdominal etching: ‘k. Because eating whey protein, hiring a professional trainer, joining a gym and working out is too freakish, abdominal etching was invented. It’s lipo with a twist.

Pre-lipo – abdominal etching

Post-lipo – abdominal etching and $9,000 later.

Let’s be grateful that abdominal implants have yet to take off.

11. Vaginal reconstruction: (Also called Vaginoplasty.) Do people really not know that you can strengthen those muscles? Certainly Kegel exercises work. Leg squats. Bridges. The list is fairly long. I’d rather do a few exercises than have some pervert doctor stick a laser up my vagina.

Some people say they get this done because they do not like the aesthetics of their private parts. (If you watched the video in #8, you’ll hear a woman say she became depressed over it.) To them, I say, “GET A LIFE“. Use your plastic surgery money on a good therapist.

12. Pencil thin nose. Let’s play name that nose:

13. Collagen lips: Click here to see an entire gallery of nasty collagen lips. Here’s a few of my favorites:

A. Britney Spears

B. Jenna Jameson

C. Liz Hurley

The first person who guess all three of these will also win some honey. (Kelly won!)

Did you know that it hurts to have collagen injected in your lips and it can hurt for months? I have a friend who didn’t kiss her husband for six months because kissing hurt too much. You can see the priorities here.

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