On a limb with Claudia

The paparazzi. It used to be just a European problem. Since these pesky photogs have hopped across the pond, quiet and demure celebrities have been forced to show their private parts and other horrors.

Thursday Thirteen #5

I’m delighted the paparazzi doesn’t follow me. Here’s why:

1. Bed head: I like to roll out of bed and go to the gym at 5:30 AM. I might comb my hair, wet it down when it’s sticking straight up, but I’m not going to coif. That simply will not happen… at 5:30 in the morning… so I can go to the gym.

2. Bad driver: I wouldn’t say that I’m a bad driver, but did I mention that I go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning? I’d hate to have photogs taking pictures of my sleepy driving. I’d probably run them over. (Pretend along with me that this is MY Mercedes – vroom, vroom, crash!)

3. Grumpy: Yes, it happens. I can be remarkably grumpy sometimes. Like the time when that girl tried to take my weights. Now imagine, I’m red in the face ready to pounce on the tiny blonde and my photo is all over PerezHilton.com. Not a good thing.

4. Keep bees: It doesn’t sound illegal until you consider the zoning laws of the City and County of Denver. If the paps took a picture of my bees, I’d be screwed. Take a look at this picture. Can you blame me??

5. Have a lot of my male friends: It’s true. Most of my friends are guys. We hug. We drink coffee. We play pool. We drink cocktails. We’ve even been known to kiss. YIKES! Look at this photo. Evidence that I’m hugging Paolo Nutini‘s band. (Aren’t they cute?) What would TMZ make of the smile on my face (and that awful hair!)??

6. Wear baggie clothing: I like big baggie clothes. First of all, it’s cold in Denver eight months of the year. Baggie = warm. But to the paparazzi, it means twins.

7. Walk with male clients: Sometimes, when I work with male clients, we walk along the rivers, parks and parkways. It’s a wonderful way to work through anger or anxiety particularly in someone who struggles with PTSD. I’ve found it to be powerfully effective. Can you imagine if the paps were around?? I’ve already had people ask if I’m having an affair a person they saw me walking with. Yikes, what a mess! (Look it’s me and Matt Lauer – he’s HUGE! )

8. Hug people: It’s true about me. I like to hug people. That could be totally misconstrued in to something that might impeach a President!

9. Have public (arguments, kisses, pats on the butt, etc.): Yes, it’s happened. I’m generally fairly private but some times… The paparazzi would have a field day with some of the shit that’s gone down at restaurants, the gym, dance clubs, bars…

10. I know how to pump gas, change my tire, jump start my car… So what do I need THEM for! (Check out this video of Britney Spears letting the paps pump her gas while she smokes.)

11. Forget to wear my wedding ring: The paps would take one look at that and predict relationship doom. I just don’t wear jewelry so I forget to wear my ring. Pathetic, in know. But true. (I’ll tell you I get more guy attention with my ring on than with it off – go figure.)

12. Never wear make-up: Oh all right. When we go out dancing? I wear make-up. Otherwise, I just don’t.

13. Shaved my head: You can see why this might be a concern.

After this list, I’m certain you are as delighted as I am that the paparazzi does not follow me around.

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