25 August 2007 ~ View Comments

The goal.

Being Human Inspiration The nerdiverse

I’ve decided to make it my goal to become a trophy wife.

Here’s my plan:

1. I’m growing my hair out, then I will color it blond or get highlights. (That is if I can stand the freakin’ hair dresser for two full hours every month.)

2. I’m investing in an expensive push up bra and adding those silicone fake breast things. I’d look at surgery but really I don’t think I’d be able to stand up straight if they were any larger.

3. I’m focusing on butt exercises at the gym (Up to two sets of 60 bridges, thank you very much.)

4. I’m wearing lip gloss.

5. I don’t tell people I graduated from UC Berkeley in Biochemistry any more. I tell people I didn’t go to college because I couldn’t finish high school… blink… blink… look how stupid I am…. stuff like that.

6. I’m taking up shopping as a hobby.

7. I’m wearing four inch heels.

8. I’ve been practicing: “I don’t know, hon, what do you think?”

9. I wag my hips when I walk.

10. “War? Is there a war going on?” or “President who?”

Of course, I haven’t told D. He’ll probably just notice on his own. He’ll think: “Look my wife of ten years is such a trophy” and stuff like that.

It could happen.

We all have to have goals.

Of course he sent me this from Rhymes with Orange:

Trophy husband

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  • That is so funny. I might try it. I have been practising with "I don't know, what do you think. dear". Now to master some of the other things.
  • Christy - Yes, well... that's true.
  • Me thinks these goals would require far too much concentration. ;o)
    www.scrink.com
  • SleepyNita - I'm happy to help. I hope the information serves you well.
  • Wow, I have been looking for a manual on how to be a trophy wife. Thanks for summing it up in 10 easy steps.
  • Enidd - You have that cool accent. I think that makes up for the stillettos....
  • wow, enidd was getting worried for a minute because she has shoulder-length hair with highlights in. luckily she's never managed a pair of 4-inch stilettos, because she has vertigo.
  • Apos - Oh thank God. Now I can spend all of my time putting lip gloss on.
  • apos
    Heh reminds me of a weight loss commercial that I see here…“my husband jokingly refers to me as his trophy wife blah blah”, makes me wonder how he referred to her before her weight loss, my fat cow of a wife?

    Oh Claudia don’t worry about the butt exercises as they have the fake arse pads available too.
  • Mr. Fab - Yes, it's delightfully refreshing! :)

    La Cubana Gringa - It certainly would be a lot less work!
  • I'm with Nila. Get the antlers instead.
  • I bet it feels good to have a plan.
  • Mighty Dyck - I don't think there's a Big 5 at Hollywood and Vine. Is it new?

    Nila - You always come up with the most practical ideas.

    Squirrelly - That's a very interesting point. I'm just wondering whether "showcase" or "lived in" would puff up my ego....
  • A trophy wife is like having showcase furniture that you can't use. Great to show off but I prefer lived-in comfort.
  • Or you could go out and buy yourself some antlers. Being a trophy wife sounds so exhausting.
  • I can buy trophies at a sporting goods store. Or on Hollywood & Vine.
  • Michael C. - hmmmmmm..... Maybe I'm the one who misinterpreted....
  • Ha! I was always worried that being a trophy anything meant I had to stand still a lot. Apparently my understanding of the meaning was just a little off...
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